the extremes of dating... in 6 days time

So let's see, Saturday, I spent an elegant evening with the 47 year old Latin Lover as he made me rack of lamb, and we shared a lovely bottle of wine or two.  We dance a little tango.  He was seductive and distant, bluntly honest and yet... coy. 

Sunday, I had a couple of drinks with the 44 year old Man with Feelings at a local hipster-dive bar.  We played pinball. We laughed uproariously.  I lost track of time, was enamored... fascinated... he had my kind of energy! We flirted, but then somewhere 30 minutes after we should have said goodnight and the energy had ebbed, we parted ways with a quick hug.  And I pulled the dork move of emailing an hour after I got home.

Tuesday, I met the 26 year old.  He was interested and energetic, curious and chivalrous.  We had a late evening crepe at a funky-yet-romantic restaurant.  We didn't drink.  He told me about buying his mother her own house at the age of 24.  He walked me to my train, asked me to call him to know that I made it home.  He immediately asked for a second date.  I wanted to dismiss him, I wanted to say "I am not a cougar."  But I haven't done it or said it. Yet.  He's unexpected.

Thursday (tonight), I went out with 35-year old Six-and-a-Half (the number of years between our first and second date).  He remembered so much about me, things that I had long since forgotten... We had a drink and dinner at a restaurant that served fancy brick-oven pizzas out of an open kitchen, with exposed brick walls and tea lights providing most of the light.  We then went and played pinball.  (Yes, at the same bar I took the Man with Feelings.)  We had much to talk about... he walked me all the way home, gave me a polite kiss goodnight, and confirmed we'd go out again soon.

4 dates in 6 days, 21 year age span, PhD student to successful professional consultant to attorney...  dive bar to hipster-brick-oven-pizzas to rack-of-lamb.  

Dude.  I'm tired.

What am I thinking??

this small world thing is freaking me out

Tonight I met the Man with Feelings.  He was about 15 minutes late to the bar - by the time he showed up, I had won a drink from the guy sitting next to me about what year Revenge of the Nerds was released.  

Anyway, the Man arrives, sits next to me, and it only took about 5 minutes of conversation to realize that the Man with Feelings and I have several mutual friends.  Did I mention I met him randomly online via OKCupid?  He's even dated a classmate of mine from grad school. 

How is this world getting so dang small??  I mean seriously.

Oh, in case you were wondering about last night... the date with the Latin Lover went well, mostly he's just a big bundle of confusing-me.  He makes me an impressive dinner (Caesar salad from scratch, rack of lamb, polenta, etc...), but then is clear that he is sleeping with other women and that he's not what I'm looking for.  Then makes it clear that he's interested in me.  Am I now a conquest? Or maybe he is also confused. 

Tonight, I laughed until I nearly fell off the bar stool with the Man with Feelings.  He's cute, great eyes, witty, and can beat me at pinball.  His best line of the evening - making it clear that while me online pictures are flattering enough, I'm much better looking in person.  Awww.  I'm tired... time to go to bed...

Selective Amnesia

Sometimes I just don't remember... like this guy I met on jdate in (umm) 2003, right before I settled in for my 3 year foray with Mr. Grumpy Pants, in another town I lived in halfway across the country.  Turns out he now lives in my new town...

I just sent this on OKCupid:

Dear J[his real name],

How did I know this[your real name]?  Well, you haven't changed your online name since 2003...  which, I think, is when we went out on one (failed?) dinner date in [our old town].  For the life of me, I remember a nice correspondence, but not why we didn't go out again...  I know I had just met someone that I was with for several years about then...  but anyway...

I found it funny to see your name on here again, that I recognized it, and (oddly enough) still have your name in one of my old address books!

Hope you are well, and that you are enjoying life back in [this new town].  I moved back here in 2004 from [our old town] for grad school . Big career change and all that jazz.

Maybe if you've forgotten, too, or thinking "who the hell is this woman???" we might try a drink again.  At least to toast [our old town], and leaving winter behind.

Of course, I have a date with the Latin Lover on Saturday. Dinner at his house. And then there are two other potential OKCupid dates:  the Man with Feelings (a play on his profile name); and the 26 Year Old. 

Oh, and did I mention I spent 45 minutes on the phone with the matchmaker, talking about buying her business?  Kind of a lark a friend and I are considering.

This should be entertaining... 

Casual?

"It's just too bad you are not into casual sex."

This is what the Latin Lover says to me at the near-end of our date last night.  He picked me up at my place, came upstairs for a moment - then took me to a very nice restaurant.  We had a romantic, intimate dinner, sitting at that corner table where we are both sitting on the banquette.  We shared a bottle of wine with exquisite food.  Conversation flowed, he was affectionate without putting his paws all over me in public.  OK, maybe he did for a minute.  Or two.  I felt sorry for our server.

As he drove home, he invite me back to his place for "brandy" -- which I considered, and then politely decline.  He complimented me that I was playing it safe.  He really was offering brandy, but more as a precursor to getting... ummm... more out of the evening.

Then as he walks me to my doorstop, does not ask to be invited up, he says something along the lines of not sure we're in the same place about marriage & kids and  "it's too bad you are not into casual sex."   To which I reply (albeit a bit coyly) "I'm just not casual."

Followed by some passionate and persuasive good night kissing.  Which is why I'm not sure exactly what he said - and what the context was for that statement.  Now, of course, I have to call him and ask him "so, man that I met at a bar and know nearly nothing about...  what ARE you looking for?"

Into the ephemera...

I often wonder how some women seem to go so easily from first-date, to want-to-see-you-again, to second-date, to... well... I've-got-a-boyfriend.  I've witnessed this.  It happens. In the movies.  For my friends, even.

Just not to me.

No word from Soccer Dad.  The Latin Lover is in touch, but non-committal about our next date.   And of course, there are interesting prospects from OKCupid.  My favorite today is a sporty, smart 26 year old who dresses like a fashion plate.  And I did write back.  Maybe I've got a little cougar in me after all.  Maybe he'll go shopping for me.

Has Mr. Nice Guy slipped into the ephemera?  Last night, I had trouble falling asleep.  So I picked up (I kid you not) the "Everything Etiquette" book.  Of course it has a section on dating, and it gave etiquette guidance on women asking out men.  According to the book, I should call Mr. Nice Guy and ask him to do something specific, at a specific time.  The book did not dispense advice on how to get up the chutzpah to do such a thing.  Or how to get over a little obsession with someone who hasn't expressed any interest in me in a couple of months.

In the meantime, for my amusement, tonight I got an email from dear, sweet Newfie.  Wondering if I would join him in a no-strings-attached evening of pinball.

So some men disappear into the ephemera.  And then some reappear, but probably not the ones I want.

2 dates, 1 day, so different...

I'm back to my old tricks again... lots of dates, lots of names flying around...  yesterday I had a lunch date and a dinner date.  And both went well.

Both are at least 10 years older than me.  Both are divorced. One has two kids in college.

Let's talk about that one first - he shall hereinafter be referred to as Soccer Dad.  We met online - OKCupid is my site of choice these days.  A few very funny email exchanges, and we found ourselves at a lunch spot walking distance my front door.  And his front door.  Since over lunch we realized he lives 6 doors down from me.  And, by the way, he consults for a colleague of mine.  She called while we were at lunch. It's a dang small world.  So he may be 10 years or so older than me, but he'll finish a half marathon a half hour before me.  And he plays on four different soccer teams.  So what if his kids are in their twenties?  

We batted around some topics, but were both guarded over lunch.  Why does it take a drink to make conversation go more smoothly?  I was nervously chatty.  Soccer Dad was dry, dry, dry.  In a good way. Conversation moved at an uneven pace, and yet at the same time I wanted to talk to him more.  I can't figure that one out.

Where is Soccer Dad now?  Using his frequent flier miles to accompany a friend to a trip to Hawaii.  Rough life.

Soccer Dad treated me to lunch, we walked back to our places, then he posed the "so now what?" question as we stood outside.  I understand this to be the equivalent of "I enjoyed lunch enough to want to see you again.  But rather than be direct... I'll put it on you!"  We're going to find some batting cages or putt-putt, so we can see what happens when our competitive side comes out. 

Then a few errands later, I find myself getting picked up by the Latin Lover at my house.  He called to tell me he was on his way. He opened the door for me to get in the car.  He took me out for a cocktail before dinner.  We talked about sailing and his life running charters until he straightened up and came to the U.S. for college.  We went over to dinner.  I laughed at him because he forgot his glasses and couldn't read the menu.  I found out how old he his, how he likes to critique food, what he wants his next career to be, why he got married and divorced, what he thinks of his father's girlfriend, what he enjoys for an after-dinner drink and many other surprising things.  He took my hand as we left the restaurant and went for a walk.  He freely discussed what we would do next time we went out... He kissed me at the end of the date, on my front doorstep, and left. 

(He did let me split the dinner bill, and I know it's disingenuous when I offer expecting him to refuse and then judge him when he accepts. But judge I do.)

Latin Lover was confident and casual.  Worldly but learning and interested.  I'm intrigued. Our next date may be a day trip to the neighboring wine country.

There's a few more dates coming up... and I haven't stopped thinking about my trip to A-town, and the Super Hero is in touch lately planning his next trip out here.  When will I have time to think about finding my new job?  I might just be a boy-crazy teenager for a living.

I will not hit "delete profile" until I've had ONE date

I did it.  I went online. And I bucked convention - I skipped jdate and went straight to OKCupid.  Caution to the wind.  Seriously.

For those of you married folk who are living vicariously, OKCupid has these tests you take... like purity tests, personality tests, what kind of geek are you tests, and all kinds of weird user-submitted tests.  And it's FREE.  Before I even completed my profile, I had my first "wink" -- and before I finished it, I had my first email.  "You're gorgeous.  What's your name? Do you have a racial preference?"  Sez he.   He has no profile, just a picture taken in the mirror in some military uniform that has so many medals on it that it he would have to be twice his age to have earned them.

I am still dinking around online.  Fifteen minutes later, he instant messages me.  "Why didn't you answer me?"  It's a brief conversation, during which I learn that he is IMing through his phone, which is sooo much easier than the computer, except that's why he hasn't filled out his profile.  Did you make sense of that?  Me either.  

Another one emailed, but he gets high occasionally and that ain't me.  He wrote back "you smoke."  which led me to find a very important error on my profile.  Under smoking (as in cigarettes), I had marked "trying to quit" -- OOPS!!  He couldn't spell on his own profile, but he found an error on mine. 

While reviewing my matches, I found one I wouldn't even look at. His profile name "2cheap4match" -- as if putting yourself on OKCupid isn't a sufficient declaration.  And why exactly would he brag about this?  It just struck fear in me that I would, in fact, find men who were cheap versus the men who paid the matchmaker big $$$.  You would think there is something to my rationale here, but maybe applying logic to use of dating "help" is a lost cause.

I did find two seemingly ordinary, interesting men.  Jewish even.  I emailed them, bland, one-liner emails that clearly showed I actually read their profiles.  One I asked to play Scrabble since he likes board games (among other thigns).  The other I asked about the carved Halloween pumpkin in his photo.  

Believe it or not, I did use much of the profile I put in the other day.  But shortened to a "10 things you need to know about me."  And took out the stuff Joe College told me was overkill.

And I promise, despite the flotsam now filling up my inbox from guys I never want to meet, I will not delete the profile until I've gone out on a date with a least one guy from OKCupid.

The irony of my timing in going online, is that my Latin Lover called today and the Matchmaker coughed up a potential new match (after I left her a message to ask her if she was going out of business).  

I might have forgotten to mention the Latin Lover. Last Saturday I went to a bar with my friend M -- she's a lovely women, svelte figure, Israeli looks, which strikes a sharp contrast to my fair complexion, straight strawberry-blonde hair and curves.  It's fun to go out with her.  And for whatever reason, at this one bar, we caught a lot of attention.  The Latin Lover is actually a distinguished man in his forties, with an interesting career involving the environment.  I'm about to head off to my hometown for ten days, but we'll be heading out on a date when I return.  

When it rains it pours.